I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I lost the right to judge tonight
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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