Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
