I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
