Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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