the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
