a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
