Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
