Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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