Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
