I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
