my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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