Who wears a wallet chain?!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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