Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
