Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
