some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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