sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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