bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
