True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
