I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
