am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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