u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
