Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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