so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize