So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
