nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
