GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
