I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
