He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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