She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
