a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize