Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
