he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize