and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
