paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
