"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
