i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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