Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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