i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
