If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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