ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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