I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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