did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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