I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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