My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
