Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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