Your favorite bartender is back from prision
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
