Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Randomize
