Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
