We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
