Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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