So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
