a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he fucked my hip out of place.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize