Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
