help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Randomize
