My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
