plz talk dirty to me
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
