I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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