i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
