Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
