Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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