So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize