You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
