i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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