i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
