he told me I talked like a deaf person
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize