Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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