This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
