I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
