my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
3pm strippers are depressing
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
