just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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