just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
